Confessions of a reformed control freak!

Not that long ago, I walked into his office  and was asked by my life coach, “Why do you value control so much?” Mind you, this was our first meeting, he was a complete stranger, and THIS was the first impression I was giving off. Yikes! Like a sucker punch to my psyche, I took it like a champ but I was shaken to the core.

Keeping a stiff upper lip my response was, “I don’t know. I didn’t think I valued it.” I thought being in control was what a strong woman does. I am an achiever. I have a level of self awareness and it is easy for me to size up my audience, but this threw my for a loop. Not only was I told I was living too much in my masculine energy (which is another post in and of itself) but I was called out by a total stranger on a quality that was not serving me.

The thing about being type A or a “control freak” is that your issue never has anything to do with the things you are trying to control. It has everything to do with how you are not embracing the fact  that life cannot be controlled. Until you realize this fact you will fight the idea of not having control until you burn out. The three things that you can control are: what you think, say and do. (Thank you Joe White) In self defense, I told my coach all my carefully woven stories about why I felt “stuck” in life, and why it was not my fault. Wrong! My problems were of my own creation and I was the one negatively affecting my life. I was trying to control everything! I tried to control my job, husband, kids, my body, my thoughts, and what people thought of me. What was the result? I was terribly exhausted, burned out, cranky (pissy my husband calls it) and miserable.

I am a decent actress, so I would paste on my happy face for my job, which involves full commission sales and customer service. I would end up giving every last ounce of positive energy I had to my customers. I had to earn a living right?  Day after day of “playing positive”I would come home drained and resent the night time routine of taking care of my family. I had nothing left to give the people I truly cared about.

I knew in my heart that this was the exact opposite of how I wanted my life to be! How did I get here? Must be my job. So much stress! It couldn’t possibly be me and how I viewed my life. No wonder I felt horrible! I was focusing on everything I did not want, I was playing the victim and making excuses. It would take to much energy to live life I wanted. It was easier to be the victim. (No one felt bad for me by the way.) I did not realize at the time that you cannot give what you do not have and if you live in a victim mindset you are living in scarcity. I was running on fumes, it was my fault and I got called out… Thank God!

This blog will be about getting realigned and living authentically. I will share with you what I have learned about living and loving to your full capacity, musings about parenting, relationships, fitness, success and mindfulness. I will share with you the tools I have learned that have truly set me free. It is time to start living now! Join me for the adventure!

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