Hey Girl, Hey!
It took me two marriages and a few sleepless nights to get bought into this idea, but now that I have embraced it, I will never go back to my old way of thinking. Your partner must come first before the kids. Yep, I said it. Think of your marriage as a foundation to a house, if neglected it can become unstable. A home built on a cracked foundation will need to be repaired and that takes time and effort. I wish marriage would come with the disclaimer: caution this takes work (oh, and P.S. kids are a ton of work too). Countless older couples that have been married for over 20+ years have always told me this fact. It was not until recently that I could process the thought that anything would be more important than my little angel. The kids come first right? They need me, they should get all of my energy and attention, that is what a good Mom does. It wasn’t until my husband pointed out that after a full day of doing everything I could to be a good Mom that there was nothng left for our relationship. At the end of the day on a scale of 1-10 my energy level was at a -15. He wanted to help and I was not letting him. He saw me pushing myself to the point of exhaustion and he wanted better for me. I was just too damn bull headed to see that help was exactly what I needed. Here are the tips that I have learned:
- Think Teamwork! We came into this together and we will be there at the end. This is not a one woman show! For years I would let my daily routine wear me down to the point where at the end of the day I was wasted. My husband would want to see me and talk to me when the day was over and it took everything I had to not curl up and fall asleep. No one ever tells you that when the kids come along you will need to put in double time to nurture and care for them and make time for your other half. The key is to work as a team to get through the daily routine and make the end of the day your time as a couple, even if it is just a few minutes to cuddle on the couch and relax.
- When Mommy is happy, everyone is happy! Truth! In my household I am the center of gravity. My mood will affect everyone around me. If I am a hot mess the house will be chaotic. If I am peaceful and happy…you get the picture. I am sure you can relate to this scenario on some level. Look, we are real human beings with a full range of emotions. I am not saying that all days will be unicorns and rainbows, but there are ways that my husband works to support me that make the harder days easier to manage and the whole household is happier for it.
- We are stronger than me! Ladies we need to learn to ask for help. This is a point that I have struggled with for years because I wanted to be superwoman. I am not sure where I got that crazy idea but for some reason I thought that was my job in life to be able to do everything for everyone. My husband helped me to see that not only could I lean on him, but he actually wanted me to lean on him and ask for help. We go into marriage not to get, but to give and if you both adopt that mentality there is joy in even the mot mundane daily tasks.
- The kids are watching your relationship and learning! Your relationship with your spouse is setting an example of what your kids will expect for their relationships in the future. If they see Mom doing everything and resenting Dad or vice versa that is going to be norm for them. If they see you working as a team in tandem to get through the daily routine then they will adopt that mentality. They are watching, learning and they will model what you do. What do you want for them?
- Your spouse is your best friend! Before those cute little bundles of joy it was the two of you. It is certain that one day the little bundles will grow into adults, leave your home and the only person there will be your bestie. There is no reason that you and your other half can’t have a blast travelling down this crazy path called life.
With Love and Grace,